i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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