She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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