last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
