Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
