i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
