Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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