NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
