Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I still have a little drunk in my system
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
