While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
