There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so let's talk penis.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
