My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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