I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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