Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
