I want to stick my p in your. b.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
