I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
