I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
