bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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