i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
