I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
