at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
