This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
