so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
