all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
