I want to stick my p in your. b.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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