one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
