So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
