I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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