i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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