OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Welp...herpes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
