worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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