why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
