Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
