You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
