I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
