dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
