i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
