3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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