yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
