you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
