Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
