they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
