I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
