Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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