you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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