It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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