I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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