I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
