i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
