Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
