these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
